I just read a story about a man who was sharing the process and the struggle of writing a sermon.
He is a pastor whose been speaking publicly since he was a teen.
I felt myself leaking a message for my own nation as I read each word he wrote.
I feel as if it's like that in teaching too.

I went to bible college, took the proper classes, went to leadership courses in Global Legacy and even paid for Global Evangelism in case any of my people needed it.(I don't even have any people on staff. All I do is teach online, but I prepared as if I had a church.

Then PTSD reared its ugly head.
Trauma from before salvation came like waves and almost overtook me.
Emotionally: I was drowning.
Physically: still working but only hanging on by a thread.

How can I teach a deaf nation about coming out into freedom when all the sudden I feel stuck?
Where is my sermon now in: how to get off SSI to them when it seems easier to get on it for me than to keep trying to find work that doesn't create trauma triggers?

This is where I've found myself.
On the sidelines instead of on the field.
Needing help myself instead if empowering my beloved nation to keep looking for ways to succeed despite their physical set backs in our society.

In my job search:
They now make you fill out info on jobs that say your  handicap if you have PTSD.
How's that for feeling empowering?
I: the handicap: would be:  credentialed pastor if my finances would have let me take those last 2: 5 wk classes: wants to help YOU make a difference.

Sigh.
(Feeling a reminder from a " Let's Just Laugh At That Lie" teaching one of my leaders taught us.
Reality isn't always TRUTH.

The truth IS: I CAN do ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me  strength.

This burning message inside me for HOPE for them and for others living with a disability still ignites everything I do.
I can't help but believe there is an answer. Options and success stories to come out of this would-be-mess and somehow shine a light of hope and direction for others in need.

Messages it seems, often start out as messes.....

Tests often become test-imonies
......

And anyone called by God will change the world if they don't quit.

For after the  storm,
The rain.
And after the rain: the sun.
And promises always mark the spot of where God has been all along.


Be blessed,


Handzofpraise